MLB Announces A Player Can Be A Fielder With A Bat And Two Balls

Gene Jean is a minor-league ball player dreaming of playing in the major leagues.

Some say he is also a trailblazer, making his minority community proud.

You see, when Gene plays first base, he plays with a bat and two balls.

Gene is a trans fielder - a player who is equipped like a hitter, but identifies as a fielder.

His pronouns are First / Baseman.

This idea doesn’t sit well with baseball traditionalists. They claim trans fielders have the wrong equipment to be fielders. They worry it will lead to injuries to opposing players, and that it ignores a century of baseball tradition.

They also accuse some trans fielders of “grooming” minor leaguers.

The pro trans fielder group, “Let Guys Bring Their Hillerich & Bradsbys” think differently. The LGBT-H&B community insists a trans fielder is a fielder, regardless of his equipment.

“This attempt at ‘othering’ trans fielders is heavily driven by rigid, narrow interpretations of traditional baseball structures and fielder roles,” said a LGBT-H&B spokesperson. “It’s then used to justify the social exclusion and marginalization of the fielder-identifying community.”

“A player shouldn’t be denied his basic hardball rights to just because he bats from both sides of the field.”

“Or be denied fielder-affirming care.”

“People who disagree with this are just bitter, and are clinging to their bats and balls.”

At publishing time, the LBGT-H&B community still insists it’s bigoted to ask how a trans fielding first baseman will catch throws without a glove.

- The Satirized Evening Post
June 18, 2026