Vogue Magazine Writes Gushing Article About A Turd On A Sidewalk

In its latest edition, Vogue Magazine included a gushing article about a turd on a San Francisco sidewalk.

Here is an excerpt from that article:

Let’s just get this out of the way: It is embarrassingly handsome, it’s rich chocolate brown tone seasoned with whatever was served last night at the local food pantry, at ease with its own fragrance as it delivers a waft of steam into the crisp morning air.

It must drive other cities nuts. Why can’t their sidewalks be adorned with such lithe, ardent, and energetic mounds of human feces? Add to that the abundance of used needles and drug paraphernalia, and the pungent smell of countless homeless encampments, gives this city’s proud pedestrians the feeling “I want to walk down this sidewalk!”

However, the Vogue article omitted some key observations about the turd:

The turd succeeds not by actions, but by its mere presence. It never actually does anything. Rather, it just sits there: Regal, with lofty expectations, warding off opponents who fear they will be tainted if they touch him.

It insists it has accomplishments…but we know what the results smell like.
It makes a bunch of promises…but we know what those promises are worth.
It pretends to have brains…but we know what those brains are made of.

Because if we look inside, we know what it’s full of.

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 4, 2026