New York's Latest Gun Control Measure Bans Snow Balls, Spit Wads, and Pea Shooters

In February, gun control advocates in New York introduced state Senate Bill S9212, which would ban BB guns.

Democrats have since added important additions to also ban snow balls, spit wads, and pea shooters.

“Children should not be launching any types of projectiles at each other,” said state senator Allen Ashby. He then recounted a sad story where his 12-year-old cousin was once caught in a cross-fire, and received a red mark on his arm when he was hit by a crab apple and two dirt clods.

“He could have developed a serious bruise,” counseled Ashby. “We have to do a better job protecting our children.”

Some claim the new bill doesn’t go far enough, as it does not address Super Soaker assault rifles. Anti-gun advocates define a squirting “assault rifle” as a scary-looking squirt gun with more than a 3-cup magazine, or a foldable stock.

When asked to show the value of such laws, Democrats point to the countless lives that have already been saved by outlawing pointing your finger at someone and saying “Bang!”

The 2020 “No Finger-Banging” law also prohibited kids from playing “White-Skinned Colonizers and Indigenous Victims”.

At publishing time, state officials announced future bans on shooting paper wads with a rubber band, throwing water balloons, and spitting watermelon seeds at your sister.

- The Satirized Evening Post
April 14, 2026