Visiting Priest’s Heavy Accent Adds Whole New Level Of Mystery To
Jesus’ Teachings

Local parishioners report that they have gained an entirely new perspective on scripture after hearing passages read by a visiting priest with a very heavy foreign accent.

The visiting priest, Fr. Suresh Swamy, is a Franciscan from India, but he has spent that last 24 years speaking Swahili as a missionary in Tanzania.

“His English isn’t strong, but the spirit still comes through,” said one parishioner. “His delivery has actually brought all new meaning to me.”

“They’re like entirely new parables that we’ve never heard before,” said another.

Parishioners said they were especially inspired when Fr. Swamy read “The Potter Who Hid Tucson”:

There was a potter who hid Tucson. One, the particle sun, asked for half DeWalt. The potter gave it tomb, and the particle sun moved oy-vey and vested it on destitutes.

Soon, the particle sun had nothing, and worked beading pegs, but had nothing to beat himself.

So he went home.

The particle sun said, “Potter I have seen, da gain heaving, on you. I no lumber de Serb Tuby call arson.

But the potter kissed him, and drew a big pottery, where he kilned the fetic half.

When the udder sun heard dumb you sick, he was very gangrene. He would nut coin the house.

But the potter said we musty Joyce! Your brothel Wenceslas, but now has phoned!

“I thought I’d heard every scripture reading before,” a third parishioner said, “But ‘The Potter Who Hid Tucson’ was a new one on me.”

At publishing time, parishioners were looking forward to other new readings, such as “What There To Whine”, “The Good Summer Tan”, and “Cinnamon Demount”.

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 3, 2026