Harvard Board’s Statement
Defending President Gay
Was Itself Plagiarized

Claudine Gay

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS – Experts reviewing the statement from The Harvard Corporate Board defending President Claudine Gay against accusations of plagiarism have found the defending statement itself was plagiarized.

“The Board’s statement is not their own work,” said billionaire philanthropist Bill Ackman. “It repeatedly plagiarizes language found in every previous defense of every other poorly-performing DEI hire, without giving proper attribution to the original authors.”

“Consider the similarities to the previous defenses of Kamala Harris, the leaders of BLM, Pete Buttigieg, Sam Brinton, and every other DEI hire caught screwing up:

  • The individual is actually doing a good job, and it’s unfair that people aren’t more aware of their accomplishments.
  • This situation is unfortunate, but it’s different from previous situations where others have been held accountable for these same actions.
  • Actions of this type lie along a spectrum, and this example doesn’t rise to the level that requires a significant remedial action.
  • The accusations were made in bad faith: The accusers have an ulterior motive, and are racist/sexist/homophobic/political.
  • The individual still has our support, and is still the right person for their job.

“Plagiarism investigations normally take 6 months to a year. The Harvard Board completed theirs in just a few weeks. It’s not surprising their conclusions were stolen from previous investigations.”

When contacted, The Harvard Board refused to comment until they could see how other college boards have answered.

- The Satirized Evening Post
January 2, 2024

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