In Response to the Russian Invasion,
The Joint Chiefs Assure Biden
Our Soldiers Have Been Fully Trained
on Using The Right Pronouns
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a meeting on possible US responses to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, the Joint Chiefs
assured President Biden that the US Military is at full readiness, now that all troops have completed the training on
using proper woke pronouns.
“All of our troops are in tip-top fighting shape,” boasted General Milley. “They’ll never use a ‘ver’ when they should
use a ‘hir’.”
“The ultimate goal of war is to achieve equal outcomes,” Milley said. “The battlefield should be a safe-space, with
triggers that don’t trigger, aggression without micro-aggression, and diversity in every kill-count.”
“Our soldiers have learned these lessons, checked their privilege, and purged themselves of any toxic masculinity.”
“They’re ready to crush the enemy by showing how accepting, inclusive, and woke they are.”
“After all, when blowing the head off of some gender-non-conforming commie bastard, you certainly don’t want to marginalize
them.”
Numerous mainstream media outlets commented that when reports of this reach Putin, he will certainly be shaking in his boots.
- The Satirized Evening Post
February 23, 2022