Joe Biden’s Weather Updates Are Reportedly Worth Millions

Biden and friends

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After recent testimony revealed that President Biden joined 20+ calls between Hunter and his foreign business interests, Democrats and the media claim that these business interests paid Hunter millions of dollars just to talk to President Biden about the weather.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, several sources confirmed President Biden’s weather forecasts are indeed worth millions, especially when trying to forecast the following:
  • Which way the wind is blowing.
  • Whether your spy balloon will be blown off-course.
  • How to avoid being “struck by lightning”.
  • How to stay dry when it’s raining sanctions.
  • Whether there’s clear weather to fire your prosecutor.
  • The right circumstances to “make it rain”.
The President’s forecasts are reportedly especially useful for avoiding any concerns about the "Sun" being affected by a Canadian Low or a Mexican High.

- The Satirized Evening Post
August 2, 2023

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