After Announcing New $30 Million
“Free Crack Pipe” Program,
DHH Then Announces It Will Be Run by
Hunter Biden

Man smoking crack - Hunter inset

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to promote “racial equity”, the US Department of Health and Human Services has announced a new program to make illicit drug use safer. Included in this $30 million program is funding to provide free crack pipes to drug users.

The HHS said the free crack pipe distribution will be headed up by Hunter Biden.

“Hunter definitely knows his way around a crack pipe,” said an HHS representative. “We definitely have the right man for the job.”

During her daily press conference, Jen Psaki was asked whether Hunter has enough experience to play a major role in a $30 government program.

“Hunter actually has a lot of experience handling government money,” replied Psaki. “He’s also served on the board of directors for numerous companies, without any experience with their businesses either.”

“And he’s been in and out of rehab several times.”

“So he's uniquely qualified to run the free crack pipe program,” Psaki said.

However, Psaki cautioned that this program was just one step, and that true racial equity would not be achieved until “the smartest guy President Biden knows” also taught the under-privileged how to paint with a straw, sell access to influential relatives, and impregnate strippers.

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 7, 2022

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