New York Lawmakers Declare Times Square
A “Climate-Change Free Zone”

Official Posting 'Climate-Change Free Zone' sign

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – Based on their belief that they are so much smarter, wiser, and more moral than anyone else that has ever lived, and can finally make gun-free zone signs work, New York State lawmakers then proposed a sure-fire idea for solving global climate change.

Posting “Climate-Change Free Zone” signs.

The New York State Assembly passed a law defining various “sensitive” areas where climate change will not be allowed. Officials then posted “Climate-Change Free Zone” signs, informing in-coming weather fronts with unseasonably high temperatures that they cannot enter these “sensitive” areas without a permit.

To receive a permit, a weather front must complete 16 hours of training, apologize to at least 3 approved minority groups for their “privilege”, and then undergo a “character and conduct” review by a meteorologist.

“Sensitive” public locations include virtually the entire state of New York, except the red-state areas, because those people are just stupid and evil.

Based on their certainty that this solution will work, state officials have also begun creating signs for “Crime-Free”, “War-Free”, and “Death-Free” Zones.

- The Satirized Evening Post
September 3, 2022

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