German Language Unlearnable After Incorporating Woke Genders
Citizens in Germany are up in arms after Germany’s Association for the German Language -
Gesellschaft für deutsche Sprache (GfdS) - announced that the official German language now
would incorporate Woke genders and pronouns.
Native German speakers complain that this new Woke German is not only unusable, it’s unlearnable.
Previously, in traditional German, each noun had one of three genders, and the pronouns used for
it varied based on both the noun’s gender, and how the noun was used in the sentence. For example,
when discussing silverware, German speakers needed to remember forks were masculine, spoons were
feminine, and knives were neuter, and the pronoun for “fork” depended not only upon the fork’s
gender, but also whether the word “fork” was being used in the nominative, accusative, dative, or
genitive case.
Imagine the increased difficulty of writing a simple cookbook, now that the number of genders
continues to grow, you can’t assume a fork’s gender, and you have to ask each piece of silverware
what it’s pronouns are.
Recently, while filming a German cooking show, Chef Gordon Ramsay ran into this exact problem.
After an assistant corrected his failed attempts at Woke German multiple times, Ramsay finally
screamed, “Just get me a f---ing fork!”
The assistant then replied that Ramsay hadn’t used the proper gender and case declension of the
adjective “f---ing”.
The GfsD downplayed these criticisms, stating that it’s much more important that a language
respects peoples’ feelings about themselves than to be an effective method of communication.
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 29, 2025