Game “Dungeons And Dragons” Deemed Not Liberal Enough To Use The Term “Race”
After consulting with leading woke authorities, Wizards of the Coast have announced that their
popular board game Dungeons & Dragons will no longer use the term “race”, as the game has been
deemed not liberal enough to use it.
“The game just isn’t liberal enough, and only liberals should be allowed to use the word ‘race’”,
said a spokesperson. “And when we have a conversation like this about race, everyone else should
just shut up and let liberals do all the talking.”
Woke officials have long criticized the game for having anti-liberal themes such as characters
rising due to merit, competition, and the lack of participation trophies.
“There are a whole host of problems,” a woke authority said. “The game assumes there are deities,
which is anti-science; it doesn’t have different rules for different races; and there are zero DEI
requirements for dungeon parties.”
“And think of the cultural appropriation of someone saying, ‘I’m going to play a dwarf.’”
Even the artwork associated with the game is considered non-inclusive. Drawings of female
characters always have large breasts, skimpy outfits, and flowing hair. None have understated
chests, plaid flannels, and butch haircuts.
“The game doesn’t even give female characters special privileges while pretending they’re equal.”
Woke officials rejected the company’s token offers to make dungeons more accommodating by adding
handicapped access, “sword-free zones”, and removing all castle and dungeon walls, which we all
know don’t work.
However, woke officials did praise the idea of with sitting around all day, eating Doritos, and
imagining you’re achieving something.
- The Satirized Evening Post
December 31, 2024