This Is Ronan.
He Desperately Needs You To Pay Off
His Student Loan.
This is Ronan.
He desperately needs your help.
After going to a big college with really cool frat parties, Ronan is suffering under $100,000 of
student loans.
Through no fault of his own, he can’t find work with his degree in Ethnic Grievances, and the
money he gets from his parents barely covers his daily Starbucks, FanDuel bets, and new car payment.
He wakes up every morning, terrified he might have to cancel one of his six streaming services, his rock-climbing vacation, or his Ganja yoga class.
Or worse: Take a job that’s beneath him.
But Ronan doesn’t have to suffer. You can help.
For just $200 a month, you can help Ronan continue to enjoy on-line gaming, single malt scotch, and
carry-out from P.F. Chang’s.
With your generous donation, he can get that new snowboard, mountain bike, and VR goggles he’s been
wanting.
And he won’t have to keep using last year’s iPhone.
You are Ronan’s only hope.
You can ease his suffering, and pay off his student loans.
Won’t you help him?
- The Satirized Evening Post
May 9, 2024