Climate-Conscious World Leaders Fly 400 Private Jets Glasgow to Discuss Banning Your Gasoline-Powered Lawn Mower

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GLASGOW, SCOTLAND – This week the 2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference began in Glasgow Scotland. 120 world leaders flew there in 400 private jets to discuss banning the use of gasoline-powered lawnmowers, and other rules that should be placed on the common man to help fight global warming.

The list of attendees is like a who’s who of world leaders and celebrities:

President Biden attended. In tune with the purpose of the conference, he reduced the size of the 85-vehicle motorcade he used in Rome, and arrived in an environmentally-friendly 20-vehicle motorcade.

Jeff Bezos reportedly flew in from Turkey, where he was vacationing on his superyacht. As he was finishing his in-flight meal of Beef Wellington on his private jet, Bezos dictated a statement urging people to reduce the use of pleasure vehicles, eat less meat, and cut down on air travel.

Bill Gates, who was also near Turkey on a separate superyacht, flew there in a separate private plane, tweeted his support for Bezos’ statement, and then advocated car-pooling.

Reporters caught up with COP26 President Alok Sharma as he was heading into the conference, and asked him what he hoped to achieve this year.

“COP26 is actually our 43rd Annual ‘This is Our Last Chance To Prevent Global Warming’ Conference,” said Sharma. “You’d think that after 43 years of last chances, people would finally start taking us seriously.”

Some reporters pointed out that China, who is the biggest CO2 polluter in the world, was not scheduled to attend the conference, and isn’t doing anything to reduce their emissions. Sharma replied that the West still should cut their own emissions to act as leaders for everyone else.

The reporters then asked about the leaders who flew to the conference on private jets. Shouldn’t they cut their own emissions to act as leaders for everyone else?

Sharma just mumbled something, and walked off. The reporters had trouble hearing him due to the multitude of chauffeur-driven cars and vans waiting with their engines idling, and vast number of diesel-powered portable light towers which ran 24/7.

One critic called after him and asked how many people world-wide drowned in the rising seas caused by the CO2 from those 400 private jets, but Sharma had no comment.

- The Satirized Evening Post
November 2, 2021

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