Biden Calls Afghanistan Withdrawal an “Extraordinary Success” Because the Military Used Everyone’s Preferred Pronouns

President Biden Speaking

WASHINGTON, D.C. – While militarily it was a disaster, President Biden today touted the exit from Afghanistan an “extraordinary success” because during it the US military successfully called everyone by their preferred pronouns.

“I’m proud of what we accomplished,” said Biden. “We may have had 13 soldiers killed, left hundreds of Americans stranded, and left the Taliban billions of dollars’ worth of military equipment, but we got every ne, ve, ey, ze, and xe correct!”

“This shows we can ‘walk and chew gum’ at the same time,” Biden continued. “The military can focus on being woke and still be an effective fighting force.”

Biden then left without taking questions, and headed to a ceremony where all the generals involved were given participation trophies.

- The Satirized Evening Post
August 31, 2021

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