CDC Fights COVID Pandemic by
Defining the Proper Woke Terms for People

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

ATLANTA, GEORGIA – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has published an update to their "Health Equity Guiding Principles for Inclusive Communication".

Evidently, the CDC thinks that while the world wrestles with a global pandemic, it's a priority to deal with the serious health care issue of using woke terminology.

According to the guidelines, when referring to the disabled, the proper term will be "people with disabilities". However, that's only for the next three years. During the following three years, it will be "those with special needs". During the three years after that, it will be "the differently abled". After that, the cycle repeats itself.

Once the "wokeness period" for a term has expired, the term will be considered horribly offensive. Until, of course, its turn to be "woke" comes around again.

During months that have an even number of days, prison inmates must be called "people of incarceration". During the months with an odd number of days, they're "alternately freedomed".

Note that the February woke term switches during leap-year.

Similarly, for people with a substance abuse problem, when the name of the current day has 2 vowels in it, we must call them "chemically complicated". When it has 3 vowels in it, it's "pharmaceutical challenged".

Except during a full moon. Then they should be called "trippin' balls".

Finally, on Sundays the CDC will spin a big wheel to choose the proper woke term for the homeless for the week.

Since these guidelines became public, people have created "woke" terms for the busy bodies at the CDC who created these guidelines:

People who publish dictionaries call them "grammatical idiots", communists call them "useful idiots", and average Americans call them "f***ing idiots".

- The Satirized Evening Post
August 30, 2021

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