Right-Wing Bishops Dare to Question Doctrine Dictated by Very Catholic Biden

Biden and a Bishop

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Referring to him as a “very Catholic President”, the Washington Post criticized a group of “right-wing” bishops for questioning Biden’s pronouncement that he can support abortion rights and still receive communion.

According to the Washington Post, President Biden – not the Catholic bishops – should be setting the official doctrine for the Catholic church.

“Biden is ‘very Catholic’,” said the Post. “The bishops are just the normal level of ‘Catholic’. So he out-ranks them.”

"Those bishops are very presumptuous...questioning Biden's decree like that."

Contrary to Biden’s pronouncement, in 2004 the head of the Vatican’s doctrine office specifically told U.S. bishops that priests ‘must’ deny the sacrament if a politician goes to receive Communion while consistently campaigning for permissive abortion laws.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” said the Post. “That declaration has evolved since then, and is now interpreted to mean the church has not made a decision.”

“But Biden has now decided, so the church is OK with abortion now.”

However, Biden simply isn’t the head of the church; the Pope is.

“Pope, smope,” said the Post. “If he disagrees with Biden’s pronouncement, then Biden should break from the church, make himself the head of a new church, and start an American Reformation.”

Surely this ignores the Constitutional requirement of a separation of Church and State.

“So what?!" replied the Post. "When we do away with the filibuster and pack the Supreme Court, we’ll nix that rule, too.”

The Post then suggested that Biden could ensure Hunters salvation by eliminating 3 of the 10 Commandments.

- The Satirized Evening Post
May 1, 2021

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