Washington Post Lays Off Their Pool of False Trump Quote Writers

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Yesterday, the Washington Post announced they were laying off the pool of writers assigned to write false stories about President Trump and his Republican allies.

“Now that the Democrats are in power, we just don’t need as many writers,” said a spokesperson for the Washington Post. “When we’re ignoring scandals, instead of making them up, we need a lot less people.”

“Also, many Republicans are now banned from social media, so we no longer need anyone to make false claims about what they tweeted.”

"When a scandal involving Democrats becomes too big to ignore, it doesn’t take a large staff to simply re-run a previously-published 'Republicans pounced' article."

“Finally, we also laid off many of our fact-checkers, because if we like the narrative of a story, there’s no reason to fact-check it.”

According to the spokesperson, the layoffs did not affect anyone writing retractions.

“Frankly, we never needed a staff to handle retractions, because we rarely admit it when we’re wrong. If a falsehood does get so much publicity that we can’t ignore it, and we’re starting to look biased, we simply publish a standard editorial calling it an ‘honest mistake’.”

- The Satirized Evening Post
March 23, 2021

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