NCAA Cancels March Madness Basketball Torunament –
Gives Every School Participation Trophies
INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA – The NCAA announced yesterday that they were cancelling the 2021 NCAA Men's Division I Basketball
Tournament, and instead will give every player on every school’s basketball team a participation trophy.
“The tournament is unconscionable,” said Scott Barnes, Chairman of the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Committee.
“68 teams enter the tournament, and only one team wins. This is divisive. And it perpetuates the capitalistic patriarchal
meritocracy.”
The televised games will be replaced by three full weekends of awards ceremonies where college administrators congratulate
themselves about how woke they are.
When someone pointed out that there are 357 division I schools, but only 68 make it into the tournament, Dr. Barnes relied
that all of the players at those other schools will also receive the same trophies.
“In fact, the NCAA will give 2021 Men's Basketball National Champion participation trophies to every full-time and
part-time student in all 4298 degree-granting postsecondary institutions in the US., whether those students play basketball or
not,” Replied Dr. Barnes.
“Except for white hetero-sexual males.”
“You know...because of white privilege.”
“Next, we're planning on giving everyone a college degree, whether they go to college or not."
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 21, 2021