AP Criticizes Republicans for Pointing Out the Cuomo Harassment Story was an Opportunity for the AP to Actually Practice Journalism

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NEW YORK, NEWYORK – Over the weekend, the Associated Press accused Republicans of “seizing on the scandal” of the Cuomo sexual harassment accusations to point out how virtually all major media outlets – the AP included – failed to operate as journalists and cover the story until it was too big to ignore.

“The story isn’t the story,” explained an AP spokesperson. “The story isn’t how we ignored the story. The story is how the Republicans unfairly took advantage and pointed out the story.”

Republicans responded that this was simply another sitution where the media simply failed to behave as objective journalists.

"Nonesense," replied the AP spokesperson. "We are always ready to objectively speak truth to power...provided it's Democrats' truth to Republicans' power."

The AP then leveled a second attack, claiming the Republicans were focusing on the Cuomo harassment allegations in an attempt to distract peoples’ attention from Biden’s success in handling the COVID pandemic.

Republicans responded that this second claim was even more ridiculous than the first, especially since Biden’s COVID successes are all based on the groundwork Trump set up. Biden is using the vaccine produced by Trump’s accelerated production plan, following Trump’s distribution plan, and is vaccinating people at the same rate Trump projected.

“Stop talking about Cuomo’s harassment accusations!”, exclaimed the AP spokesperson. “They’re just a distraction!”

Republicans then pointed out that the media had originally hailed Cuomo as the “Gold Standard” for handling COVID, yet his policies lead to the death of over 16,000 nursing home patients.

“Again, more about the harassment!” complained the spokesperson. “Stop it!”

“Everyone should stop talking about Cuomo’s harassment, and the media’s failure to cover it. The real issue is the Republicans trying to distract people.”

- The Satirized Evening Post
March 15, 2021

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