Latest COVID Lockdown Closes US Border and Requires Illegals to Immigrate Virtually

An child on a Zoom meeting

AUSTIN, TEXAS – The latest COVID lockdown mandate has closed the US-Mexico border, and declared that any immigrant who wishes to illegally enter the US must do so virtually.

“With all the technology we have today, there’s no reason to risk COVID exposure by continuing to allow in-person illegal immigration,” said a spokesperson for the US Border Patrol union. “Instead, illegal immigrants can simply attempt to sneak across the border in a Zoom meeting.”

"Just like with our public schools, safety should come first."

The spokesperson added, “We will be happy to go back to overseeing in-person immigration, but only when particular safety precautions are in place.”

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 20, 2021

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