CDC Recommends Superbowl Parties Avoid Watching Sports
ATLANTA, GEORGIA – The Superbowl is tomorrow, which means Superbowl parties.
However, cheering, alcohol consumption, and general socializing are all activities that could spread the COVID-19 virus.
To minimize this, the CDC has published the following guidelines for anyone throwing a Superbowl party:
- To minimize physical contact, avoid inviting anyone you actually like.
- Keep your front door locked. Less people will attend that way.
- Turn off the heat in your house, and leave a door open.
- Don’t serve food. If you must, choose items that naturally keep people away from each other, like garlic, chili,
- Avoid cheering. Encourage people to discuss calm things, like sunsets, knitting, and tofu.
- Instead of serving alcohol, consider herbal tea.
- Tell your guests the toilets aren’t working.
- Ask guests to remove their shoes, and then cover the floor with Lego.
- Avoid watching sports. Instead, watch something soothing, such as The Hallmark Channel, Bob Ross painting, or
reruns of “The Waltons”.
- The Satirized Evening Post
February 6, 2021
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