DNA From Prehistoric Homo Sapiens Shows Neanderthals Must Have Occasionally Had
One-Night Standards

A desperate neanderthal eyeing a homo sapiens.

LONDON, ENGLAND – A study of 11 recently-discovered prehistoric Homo sapiens teeth found that a small percentage of prehistoric Homo sapiens DNA actually came from Neanderthals.

This led anthropologists to speculate that Neanderthals may have occasionally been seriously blue-balling, and resorted to sleeping with Homo sapiens.

"The fact that only a small amount of the DNA came from Neanderthals indicates that these intra-subspecies trysts were infrequent," said Dr. Chris Stringer. “Definitely indicative of demissis signis due to a severe case of caeruleum testiculis.”

“You can envision the scenario,” theorized Stringer. “You know... there's this Neanderthal... and he's cruising the forest... and frankly it’s been a while... and maybe he's wearing serious beer goggles...."

"At that point, maybe even a Homo sapiens starts to look good.”

“The Neanderthal then had what anthropologists call a ‘Miacia Romance’.”

The miacia is the pre-historic ancestor of the coyote.

Dr. Stringer concedes that it’s possible a Neanderthal might attempt to copulate with a Homo sapiens, but it’s unlikely he would want his buddies to catch him banging one.

- The Satirized Evening Post
February 4, 2021

Return to Main Page