Biden Announces Bold New COVID Plan that Will “Not Change the Trajectory of the Pandemic in the Next Several Months”

President Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After campaigning on the claim Trump had no plan for fighting COVID, while he did, President Biden today finally unveiled the details of his bold new plan, called “Operation Hyper-Warp Speed”:

Biden promised to provide two vaccines by the end of January, while Trump thus far has only delivered two vaccines.

Biden set a bold target of vaccinating 1 million people a day, far greater than Trumps current rate of 1 million per day.

Biden also said we should ease the lock-down restrictions, unlike Trump who wanted to ease the lockdown restrictions.

One clear improvement was he signed an executive order making masks mandatory on federal property. Biden announced the order yesterday, while not wearing a mask on federal property.

Biden assured everyone “Operation Hyper-Warp Speed” was a dramatic improvement over Trumps non-plan, stating, “There is nothing we can do to change the trajectory of the pandemic in the next several months.”

A Biden spokesperson added, "This is the type of bold new leadership we can expect from President Biden."

- The Satirized Evening Post
January 25, 2021

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