Democrats Furious that Trump had an All-Female Senior Communications Team Before Biden

Kailey McNerney.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After claiming that Biden had chosen the first all-female White House senior communications team, Democrats and their media allies were furious when Republicans pointed out that Trump had already done that.

“That doesn’t count!” screamed a Biden spokesperson, “Trump picked them based on their ability, not specifically because they were women!”

Democrats then reminded everyone that with Barack Obama, and now Kamala Harris, they still can take credit for the first president and vice-president of color.

Republicans calmly pointed out that Republican Charles Curtis, the 31st vice president, was 3/8th native American, and that Republican Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president, also had native American blood in him.

By the “one drop” rule promoted by the Democrats in the early 20th century, this makes Coolidge also a person of color.

Incensed that these other “firsts” were also “stolen from them”, Democrats immediately responded that Democrat James Buchanan was the first gay president, and that although he was a white male, he identified as both Black and female, so Democrats once again could claim those historic “firsts”.

Democrats then smugly said that since Buchanan served before Lincoln, the first Republican president, Republicans could never beat that.

In order to put an end to this ridiculousness, the curator of the Mount Vernon Museum claimed that during his Presidency, at one time or another, Federalist George Washington self-identified as every possible minority category there is, including occasionally identifying as a black woman, a bi-sexual albino Buddhist, and as a multi-gender hermaphrodite with leprosy on every third Thursday.

And since Washington was the first president, and has now claimed all the “firsts”, perhaps all future presidents will “not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

Or maybe...and here’s a novel their results.

- The Satirized Evening Post
December 3, 2020

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