During the William Barr Hearing
Jerrold Nadler Tries to Prevent Facts
from Entering his Brain

Jerrold Nadler with a mask on his forehead

WASHINGTON, D.C. – During Attorney General William Barr’s testimony before the House Judiciary Committee yesterday, Chairman Jerrold Nadler wore a mask on his forehead in an attempt to prevent any facts from entering his brain.

“It’s important that we ignore that the CIA and FBI illegally spied on the Trump campaign, and that Obama knew about it,” said a Nadler spokesperson. “If we face that fact, then we’ll have to agree that the investigation into Crossfire Hurricane is valid, and our allies who broke the law trying to help us might end up getting punished.”

“The only way to avoid that is to keep up the façade that the investigation is a partisan witch hunt.”

“And we certainly don’t want to remember that Attorney General Holder said he was ‘Obama’s wing-man’. That’s the type of accusation we need to pin on Barr.”

Chairman Nadler also desperately wanted to avoid numerous other facts brought up in the hearing:
  • The national data on police shootings shows there is no systemic bias against Blacks.
  • The “peaceful protests” repeatedly tried to burn down a federal courthouse.
  • The federal government has the constitutional authority to protect federal property.
At one point, when Barr attempted to continue to speak anyway, Nadler shouted, “No, no, no! LA-LA-LA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” while putting his fingers in his ears.

Experts doubt the mask on Nadler’s forehead had any effect.

“Facial masks cannot stop facts,” said a leading epidemiologist. “They are designed to stop water droplets and dust particles. However, Mr. Nadler appears to have been safe anyway, as none of the facts brought up in the meeting seemed to have any effect on him.”

“He may have had an adverse reaction to facts as a young Democrat, and since then has built up a natural immunity.”

- The Satirized Evening Post
July 29, 2020

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