Stacey Abrams Says When She’s Sworn In as VP She Will Step Down as Georgia’s “Real Governor”

Stacey Abrams

ATLANTA, GEORGIA – Former Georgia state representative Stacey Abrams, who lost the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial election by 55,000 votes but maintains that she is the “real governor”, recently has been promoting herself to be nominated as the vice-presidential running mate for Joe Biden.

Today she announced that when she’s sworn in as vice-President, she will step down as Georgia’s governor.

Immediately after losing the 2018 election, Ms. Abrams filed suit, accusing Georgia’s election system of violating the constitutional rights of voters of color. Soon thereafter she taped a photo-shopped printout of the State Seal of Georgia on her front door, and started calling her apartment the “Governor’s Mansion”. She also set up an office in what her mother still calls the “spare bedroom”, complete with a red telephone so “other state governors could call her”.

Since then she has been complaining that no one is following her executive orders, and repeatedly asking for the phone number to call up the National Guard.

If anyone questions her delusions of grandeur, she angrily says she’ll have them arrested, but soon relents and issues them a “pardon”.

Her neighbors also report that she has been appointing them to fictitious government positions, referring the newspaper boy her “press agent”, and calling the local Kentucky Fried Chicken and asking to speak to their governor.

When it's pointed out that Biden hasn’t picked her as his running mate yet, and then she and Biden would have to win the election, she remains unfazed.

“The only way I won’t get the job is if there’s voter suppression and the people are racist.”

When contacted, Ms. Abrams refused to comment, saying she was busy practicing her signature because the state legislature would be sending her bills to sign “any time now”.

(Special thanks to John Lauri!)

- The Satirized Evening Post
May 22, 2020

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