Elizabeth Warren Claims She Was Also a Gay Transsexual Hispanic Who Was Lynched During the Crusades for Being Black

Elizabeth Warren

WASHINGTON, D.C. – To further establish her bona fides as a minority victim, Senator Elizabeth Warren is now claiming she once was a gay transsexual Hispanic who was lynched by Christian Crusaders for being African-American.

"It's an old story my mother told me," said Warren. "Before I was born, I was a little hermaphrodite Hispanic traveling with fellow Bedouins escaping Israeli oppression, and Trump-supporting Crusaders put us in a Soviet gulag with the Uyghurs. That's where the Nazis found us, called us Untouchables, and sold us as slaves to the KKK, who put us in a gas chamber and lynched us for being black."

When questioned about her story, Warren fell back on the explanation, "Well, that's what Mom told me before the Romans fed her to the lions."

"So I identify with all you minorities. And to compensate you for suffering like I did, vote for me and I'll give you free stuff."

- The Satirized Evening Post
October 11, 2019

Return to Main Page