Bernie Sanders Introduces the Magic Unicorn that will Pay For all his Free Stuff

Bernie Sanders and PixieDust

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Today at a press conference, Bernie Sanders finally explained who would pay for all the free stuff he is promising voters: PixieDust, the Magic Unicorn.

"PixieDust was a character in a fairy tale I remember from my youth," Bernie said. "I instantly realized that she was the only one pure enough and magic enough to make all these free things happen."

Bernie said he came up with this idea on a recent trip to the Hundred Acre Wood, where he brainstormed with Pinocchio, the Mad Hatter, and two of the Seven Dwarves.

The two were finally introduced by their mutual friend, Tinkerbell.

Not to be outdone, Elizabeth Warren is also looking for someone to fund the free stuff she's promising. She is reportedly in negotiations with Puff, the Magic Dragon, and legendary chocolatier Willy Wonka.

- The Satirized Evening Post
June 24, 2019

Return to Main Page