When Glacier Continues to Increase in Size, Climatologists Dismiss it as a "Science Denier"
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – After Greenland's Jakobshavn glacier was found to have been increasing in size and thickness for
the last two years, NASA climatologists announced that the glacier is a "science denier" and "doesn't know what it's talking about".
"The debate is over," said a top NASA climate scientist. "Global Warming is real. There is a scientific consensus. This
glacier needs to stop denying science and get with the program."
Scientists at Columbia University's Earth Institute, agreed. "The last time I checked, we have the Climatology degrees,
not the glacier. And it's never published any papers in our exclusive climate journals. The glacier should just sit down,
shut up, and let us experts talk."
In 2012, the glacier was retreating by 1.8 miles and thinning by 130 feet every year. In both 2018 and 2019 however, that trend
reversed and it has been growing again at about those same rates.
When it was shrinking, these effects were given as proof that global warming is real. Now that it's growing again, climate
scientists dismiss this as just "weather".
The scientists say they have tried to contact the glacier numerous times, but it has ignored all of their requests for it to
stop, and just keeps growing. They say this anti-science behavior just proves the glacier isn't interested
in facts and won't listen to reason.
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 27, 2019
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