Rather than Proposing Ideas People will Vote For, Democrats Instead Demand Changes to the
WASHINGTON, D.C – Instead of adopting policies the American public actually want, Democrats are demanding changes to the voting
process so they can push their unpopular policies through anyway.
"We just can't get our policies through with the voters we have, so we need new voters," said DNC Chairman Tom Perez.
"We need people who are either economically desperate enough to try Socialism, or naïve enough to think Socialism will actually work."
"We've tried hiding our true intentions by saying things like ‘If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep it’, or ‘Abortion
should be safe, legal, and rare’, or ‘Gun control doesn't mean we want to take your guns’. However, older voters who have lived
in the US for some time see right through this. They also ask questions like ‘How are we going to pay for that?’ or ‘Isn't that
what they tried in Venezuela?’ We need voters who will be starry-eyed about the concept of ‘Free Stuff’ and not ask too many questions."
"We first must avoid building a wall...we Democrats need as many illegals coming across the border as possible. Next, until we can
allow these illegals to vote legally, we'll have to push policies that enable illegal voting, such as more absentee ballots, less
clean-up of the voter rolls, and less voter ID requirements. We also want 16-year-olds to vote - kids stupid enough to eat Tide pods
will never see through our ‘sound good but internally flawed’ policies."
"Finally, we need to eliminate the Electoral College so the liberal coasts can sway nationwide elections, and to pack the Supreme
Court so they will ignore constitutional limitations in favor of a more enlightened Liberal approach."
"The current American voters are too dumb to understand that we Democrats are so much smarter than the previous Liberals who tried
our unpopular policies before, so we need new voters who are even dumber and can be fooled into thinking our policies ideas are actually new."
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 23, 2019
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