As High Healthcare Costs cause Finland's Government to Collapse, Socialists Retroactively Announce
"That's Not the Kind of Finland We're Talking About"
HELSINKI, FINLAND – Faced with an unsustainably expensive Healthcare system that they were not able to reform, the Finnish
government collapsed this week when Prime Minister Juha Sipila and his cabinet all resigned.
This caused socialists world-wide to retroactively claim that they never said Finland was a successful model of socialism.
"We never claimed Finland was a model for our policies," Bernie Sanders claimed at a press conference.
"We've always focused on the Nordic model."
Reporters pointed out that Finland is, in fact, a Nordic country.
They also highlighted that Sanders praised Finland just last year,
saying, "If Finland can provide everyone with healthcare, send everyone to college for free and provide affordable childcare, why can't the US?"
"That's not the kind of Finland we were talking about," replied Sanders. "We meant a different kind of Finland."
Sanders fumbled when asked to provide a non-Finland example of Finland.
This is not the first time that Mr. Sanders has retro-actively disowned a real-world example of socialism that he previously praised.
In 1985, he praised Fidel Castro in a TV interview. In 1988, he was so supportive of the Soviet Union that he went there on his honeymoon.
And around the 2011 timeframe, he posted an op-ed on his website that praised Venezuela.
In each case, after he and other socialists praised these examples, they all went belly-up.
"None of that is important," said Sanders. "What's important is that after all those previous
failures...this time...we know how to make socialism work."
"And we're willing to bet YOUR lives on it."
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 12, 2019
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