CNN Reporter Faces Backlash for Not Blaming an Altercation on Someone with a MAGA Hat
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After yet another altercation between protesters and bystanders, a CNN reporter is facing media backlash and
disciplinary action for not finding someone with a MAGA hat to blame it on.
"CNN simply cannot have journalists who do not fully research their stories," a CNN spokesperson stated. "After the story was published,
numerous people told us there was indeed a man in the area wearing a MAGA hat. Our reporter's failure to blame the whole incident on
that man was unprofessional."
Subsequent video clips posted on Twitter seem to support the reporter, showing that the only MAGA hat was worn by a homeless man
on a park bench.
"Yes...that's the guilty man," the CNN spokesman claimed. "He instigated the whole thing."
When told the videos show the man was over a block away from the altercation, the CNN spokesperson was un–phased. "We have people
who say he was clearly inciting the incident, and shouting racial epithets."
However, a full-length video surfaced, showing the man never said anything. Instead it appeared he was sleeping.
"But look at how he was sleeping,"replied the CNN spokesperson. "Look at the smirk on his face. It's obvious he was having condescending
and offensive dreams. That's the same as being physically violent."
The next day, police returned to the scene, and found that the man was, in fact, dead.
And had been dead for several days.
Including during the entire incident.
"He died on purpose!" the CNN spokesperson exclaimed. "He intentionally died to provoke the protesters."
"This is the type of insidious MAGA hatred we need to stop. And we need to better train our reporters to sense this sort of provocation and
report on it, whether it's visible or not."
The CNN spokesperson said the reporter was on administrative leave until he improves his psychic abilities.
- The Satirized Evening Post
January 29, 2019
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