AOC Claims McAuliffe Lost Because His
Stupid Positions Just Weren’t Stupid Enough
WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a majority of political pundits, Democratic Candidate Terry McAuliffe lost the
Virginia Governor’s race because he stupidly supported left-wing positions that did not sit well with a majority of the voters.
For example, CNN’s political analysts Van Jones and David Axelrod said Democrats lost big on Election Day because they
are out of touch with mainstream America, and have become “annoying”.
Famed Democratic Strategist James Carville summed this up by saying, “What went wrong is just stupid wokeness.”
However, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez disagrees. She doesn’t believe that McAuliffe lost because the positions
he supported were stupid.
She believes they were not stupid enough.
“McAuliffe lost because he didn’t fully support our far-left agenda,” said Ocasio-Cortez.
“His whole position on education was milquetoast. He should have stated that not only shouldn’t parents decide what their
kids are taught at school, or even be allowed to know what’s being taught, but parents should not be involved in their
children’s upbringing at all. The state should do that.”
“Instead of denying Critical Race Theory had permeated our schools, he should have embraced it, and said that it was good
to teach kids that one race was responsible for the misery of all the other races.”
“And instead of just saying we needed fewer white teachers, he should gone further and said we need fewer white people, period.”
“Instead of shouting ‘Trump!’ every 5th word, he should have shouted it every 3rd word. And instead of shouting ‘Racism!’
only every 45 seconds, he should have shouted it like he had Tourette’s syndrome.”
“He should have embraced double-standards, like everyone must be vaccinated except Congress and illegal immigrants, that no
one should have guns except for the rich and politically-connected, and that it’s OK to discriminate against men and white
people.”
“He should have campaigned on higher taxes, higher prices, defunding the police, legalized looting, and crapping on sidewalks.”
“On his website he should have posted quotes from Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, Cesar Chavez, and other leaders
behind well-known Socialist success stories.”
“The entire problem," said AOC, "was McAuliffe didn’t explicitly state that government should control peoples’ lives, and he
didn’t explicitly praise all the aspects of Socialism that killed 100 million people in the 20th century."
“That’s why he lost.”
- The Satirized Evening Post
November 5, 2021