To Achieve Equity Woke MLB Takes Last Night’s World Series Victory Away From Atlanta
And Gives It To Houston
ATLANTA, GEORGIA – The Atlanta Braves beat the Houston Astros 3-2 last night to take a 3-1 game lead in the 2021
World Series.
However, to achieve equity, Major League Baseball took the victory away from Atlanta and awarded it to Houston.
MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred explained the action.
“The Braves are one of the charter franchises of the National League, and they built an unjust system that favors themselves.”
“Proof of this is obvious: Atlanta had 3 wins while Houston only had 1.”
“MLB had to step in and correct this injustice.”
Critics disagreed, pointing out that Houston has succeeded before, winning the Series in 2017.
Manfred simply ignored this.
Baseball purists point out that Atlanta is just playing better baseball than Houston. Last night, Houston stranded 11
runners, and is batting only .206 in the series.
Historically, it’s hard for any team to win games with that type of performance.
Manfred bristled indignantly.
“Telling Houston that they went 0-for-8 with runners in scoring position is offensive, and just perpetuates the white
patriarchy.”
He also criticized racist phrases like “throw strikes” and “hit the cut-off man”.
When asked if this also might be further payback for recent politics in the State of Georgia, Manfred refused to confirm
this, but did criticize Georgia’s political climate.
“Georgia passed a new voting law that actually increases accessibility to voting. However, we still feel it’s racist, and that
feeling trumps any facts.”
“They also wouldn’t let Stacy Abrahms be governor, just because she got fewer votes. That’s just racist.”
Democrats were quick to point out that just because they dispute the outcome of Abrahm’s election, that doesn’t mean they’re
disputing the outcome of an election.
- The Satirized Evening Post
October 31, 2021