Sources Say Durham Investigation May Be Close to Releasing a New Photograph
of John Durham Scowling

John Durham scowling

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After spending nearly two and a half years investigating whether President Trump was targeted by politically biased Obama officials, sources say the Durham Investigation may soon be ready to release a new picture of John Durham scowling.

“Weaponizing the Justice Department against a rival political candidate is an extremely serious accusation, so people want it thoroughly investigated by a tough prosecutor,” said a spokesperson for the investigation. “That’s why it was critical for us to release the original photo of John Durham with a scowl on his face. That told everyone he was tough.”

“But after two years, people have grown accustomed to the original photo, and it's lost its impact. People have started to wonder:

‘Is this a serious investigation? They haven’t produced anything.’
‘Is this just another white-wash, designed to just make us THINK they’re investigating things?’
‘Is Durham really that tough? We’ve only seen the one photo.’”

To calm these fears, sources say the Durham team is preparing to release a new scowling photo, to prove that the original scowl was not a fluke, and that Durham indeed spends a significant amount of time scowling.

“The new photo will prove how tough John is, and then no one should have any question about the investigation, "the spokesperson said.

"The investigation is definitely making progress, and we have two scowling photographs to prove it.”

- The Satirized Evening Post
September 17, 2021

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