After Chauvin Verdict,
Biden Signs Executive Order to
Give Protesters Free TVs Anyway
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After hearing that former police officer Derek Chauvin was found guilty, thus depriving protesters
of the opportunity to loot and riot, President Biden signed an executive order to provide protesters free TVs anyway, to
replace the ones they missed out on.
“George Floyd wasn’t the only victim here,” said press secretary Jen Psaki. “Protesters expected to be compensated with
free home electronics and expensive athletic shoes. This executive order will help make them whole again.”
In a separate order, Biden also awarded BLM-co-founder Patrisse Cullors another new house.
“Because the items that are most often looted – flat screen TVs, Nike gym shoes, and expensive jewelry – are all
infrastructure, this is an investment into America’s future.”
“And the free giveaways will continue until we have established a solid Democrat voting bloc – I mean until we’ve
eliminated racism.”
- The Satirized Evening Post
April 21, 2021