Woke Man Ashamedly Admits He Has a Penis. And It’s White.
MUNCIE, INDIANA – Throughout the country, recently-woke men are making the horrible discovery that, between
their legs, they have a penis.
One such man made this chilling discovery after taking the mandatory classes on Male Privilege at Ball State.
We will call him “Richard”.
“After those classes, I finally had to admit to myself that I have a penis,” said Richard, “and that makes me evil.”
Richard then paused for a moment.
“And it’s white. I understand those are the worst.”
“Absolutely,” said Dr. Jennifer Linder, a professor of Man Hatred at Wesleyan University. “White penises are the worst.
Nothing perpetuates the white patriarchy more than a white penis.”
“Throughout history, Western civilization has always been plagued by white penises, and they’ve caused tremendous damage,”
said Linder. “Global climate change, the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, the sinking of the Titanic.... Even the Black Death was
caused by a White Penis.”
As recently-woke men struggle to cope with their newly-discovered birth defect, therapists are seeing more and more penis cases.
“It’s hard to come to terms with having a penis,” said one therapist. “Especially when you learn what damage you’ve caused
throughout history. There’s no way to avoid your responsibility.”
Many of these disgusting phallus-mongers are repentant, and want to make amends for their evilness.
“I want to make up for all of the historical damage caused by me and my penis,” said Richard. “Unfortunately, I can’t
afford gender reassignment surgery, and the US doesn’t have socialized medicine...which is also due to white penises.”
“So from now on my white penis will identify as an Asian vagina.”
"Unless that’s not woke enough, in which case my penis will be a vagina of another race that’s higher up on the victimhood scale."
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 3, 2021
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