To Help Black People, the “Dixie Chicks” Change Their Name to the “Virtue-Signaling Chicks”
DALLAS, TEXAS – To help solve the problems African-Americans face today, the band known as the Dixie Chicks has changed
their name to the Virtue-Signaling Chicks.
“All of Black people’s problems today are caused by people using words that have some vague association with an
institution that was ended over 150 years ago,” said a spokesperson for the band.
“We're sure our name change will reduce the black-on-black crime rate, help black kids get a better education in
failing public schools, and help black people get jobs…unlike Trumps silly efforts that lowered the Black unemployment rate.”
When a critic asserted this name change was not actually about helping blacks, but more about the band members stroking their own
egos by making themselves feel more ‘woke’ than other people, the spokesperson scoffed.
“That’s ridiculous. Imagine how many more black kids could read if Georgia-Pacific changed the name of ‘Dixie Cups’?”
Recently, BET founder Robert Johnson compared these types of efforts, forcing name changes and pulling down any statue of someone
riding a horse, to "rearranging deck chairs on a racist Titanic".
He wondered if the "name change" people's next targets will be the Southern Pacific Railroad, the Cotton Bowl, or anyone named
‘Grant’, ‘Lee’, or ‘Jackson’."
The band's spokesman dismissed this, saying, "The artists formerly known as the Dixie Chicks are looking forward to resuming their tour,
and are dreaming about how appearing before crowds with a new name will help black people across America."
“When the police in places like Chicago see our new name, think about how many
fewer black people they'll kill," one of the band members interjected. "We'll be saving so many black lives."
Walter Williams, the John M. Olin Distinguished Professor of Economics at George Mason University, disagrees. In a recent
speech, Dr. Williams highlighted that so far this year in Chicago, there have been about 280 people shot and killed. Most
of them were black, and were shot by blacks. Only three of the 280 were killed by Chicago police.
“Just think...we’ll be helping to save those three,” the band member smiled.
The critic responded, saying, "Even the simple math of this Chicago example shows the band must have some other objective.
If the band truly wanted to save black lives, they’d be focused more on saving the 277, rather than on the three."
"Efforts like this name change completely ignore the real problems facing African-Americans," the critic said. "We should be
addressing how the public school systems are failing blacks, the strong corrolation between out-of-wedlock births and high
rates of poverty, and the severe negative impact crime has on the black communities. Not praising ourselves for changing band
names."
"This is about liberals stroking their own egos, not about helping Black people."
The singer replied, “I don’t know how people can say that, when after changing our name I feel so much better about myself.”
- The Satirized Evening Post
June 27, 2020