Minneapolis Shopkeepers Start Go Fund Me Page to Fly Protesters to Montana
to Trash Justin Timberlake’s House
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – After hearing that singer/actor Justin Timberlake has started a fund to bail out the
rioting protestors vandalizing their stores, a group of Minneapolis store owners have started a Go Fund Me page to
pay for travel expenses for protesters who want to trash Justin Timberlake’s house.
“Mr. Timberlake clearly has taken an interest in these types of protests,” said one of the shopkeepers. “Perhaps he
would like the opportunity to experience such a protest close-up, where his own property is on the line.”
“For the rioter that enjoys urban adventures, we’ll fly you to New York city where you can enjoy the terrific night-life,
see the Statue of Liberty, and trash Justin’s Manhattan penthouse.”
“If the wide-open spaces are more your style, we’ll fly you to Montana, where you can enjoy all the amenities at Big
Sky Resort: Hike the Ousel Falls Trail, see beautiful Lone Peak on Lone Mountain, and loot all of Justin’s things and
set fire to his luxury condo.”
“After all, he’s just as guilty of racial injustice as we are.”
“I’m sure that after his own property has been destroyed, and he has gone through all the trouble of rebuilding what
he once had, that he’ll still see this type of destruction in the same altruistic light.”
A spokesperson for Mr. Timberlake said he was unavailable for comment, as he was flying on a private jet to Geneva to
combat Global Warming.
- The Satirized Evening Post
June 1, 2020