Democrats Say That Trump is a Vile Stupid Feckless Xenophobic Racist Hater Jackass Nazi Pig and He Should Stop Calling People Names
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a recent press conference, a spokesperson for the Democratic National Committee (DNC) demanded that
President Trump stop his “dirty politics of ad hominem attacks”.
“The idiot has to stop name-calling,” the DNC spokesperson said. “He’s a horrible person for calling other people horrible.”
“He’s harming this country in so many ways”, the spokesperson continued. “He stereotypes people by their race and gender, just
like every other white male.”
“His failure to recognize that most of the problems minorities face are caused by white people is so divisive.”
“And then not to grant some of those minority groups special privileges is discrimination.”
A spokesperson for Adam Schiff echoed similar sentiments.
"If Trump is allowed to continue, he could destroy the entire country," the spokesperson said. "And people should be very afraid
of all his fear-mongering."
"We will not tolerate his intolerance. And frankly, someone should kick his ass for condoning violence."
The spokesperson also criticized Trumps use of Attorney General William Barr, saying, "It’s a ‘Witch Hunt’ for Barr to investigate
our investigations. And we’re going to investigate him for it."
Finally, the spokesperson was also critical of Trump’s supporters. "They always criticized Presidents Clinton and Obama for lying,
but now when Trumps lies it’s OK. The double-standard is infuriating!"
Trump's team points out that this same double standard goes both ways: Democrats didn’t complain then, but are complaining now. Don’t Trump supporters
have the right to be equally infuriated?
"No, they don’t," Schiff's spokesperson replied. "Democrats are allowed to get more upset about double-standards."
Trump’s team also says his criticism of Democrats – as well as the mainstream media – is valid, considering how many times the two groups
have published false reports about Trump that later had to be corrected.
However, many main-stream reporters dismiss this.
"Trump should not be trying to bully the press into silence by accusing them of
being ‘Fake news’," replied a New York Times reporter. "It’s his ‘go-to’ criticism. And it’s clear that racism has something to
do with it."
The reporter went on to say, "It doesn’t matter that we’ve misrepresented things he said and did...he’s a liar."
"And we’ve caught him exaggerating a million times."
"I don’t know how anyone could vote for someone who says so many brain-dead things, and who is so totally unaware of what’s going on.
I’m voting for Biden."
While Trump’s supporters admit he’s guilty of name-calling, they argue that when it comes to those other offenses, it’s actually the Democrats
who are guilty of those things. Citing a couple of examples, they pointed out that Identity Politics is by definition divisive, the idea of
"White Privilege" is a stereotype, and that raising college admission standards for applicants who are Asian is discrimination.
The DNC spokesperson rejected this. "When we treat someone differently because of the color of their skin, it’s not discrimination. None of
those are valid examples of bad behavior by Democrats, because we Democrats know how to those evil things the right way."
- The Satirized Evening Post
April 26, 2020