Greta Thunberg Confirms She Still Suffers from a Massive Wedgie
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN – In a recent interview, grumpy-faced environmentalist Greta Thunberg confirmed that the reason for her
bitter expression is a long-standing wedgie, which she's been enduring for quite some time.
The wedgie apparently happened almost a year ago, before her first trip to America, and she still has not
been able to pick the long-lost backseam out of her buttocks.
According to sources, classmates decided to give the angry 16-year-old a gang wedgie because they were put-off by her constant holier-than-thou attitude.
During the interview, Thunberg voiced her displeasure about her ill-fitting briefs.
"This is all wrong," she complained. "It shouldn't be up there! It should be down around my bottom. How dare you! You’ve stolen my childhood!"
"And my dreams of right-fitting underwear!"
It's unclear whether, during the wedgie, the classmates pulled her underwear over her head.
"Yes, they did," grumbled Thunberg. "Now I'm definitely against atomic power."
- The Satirized Evening Post
March 27, 2020