Bernie Believes It’s OK to Execute People
as Long as You’ve Taught Them to Read
CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA – During the South Carolina debate, Bernie Sanders continued his life-long praise of the socialist
regime of Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in terms of Castro's efforts on education, healthcare, and transforming their society.
"When Fidel Castro first came into power, you know what he did? He initiated a major literacy program," Sanders said.
"There were a lot of folks in Cuba at that point who were illiterate and he formed the Literacy Brigade. And they went out and
they helped people learn to read and write You know what? I think teaching people to read and write is a good thing."
After the debate, reporters spoke to Sanders' spokesperson, pointing out that this praise ignores the fact that Castro was a brutal
dictator.
"Of course, we're very opposed to the authoritarian nature of Cuba," the spokesperson said, "but you know, it's unfair to simply
say everything was bad. Think of all the benefit people got from his literacy program."
"But Castro had people executed, and imprisoned," said one reporter.
"Think about how terrible prison would be if you couldn't read books."
"But he SHOT people!" reporters exclaimed.
"You have to have priorities," said the spokesperson. "At least when they were executed, they were able to read."
"And everybody he shot enjoyed free healthcare."
- The Satirized Evening Post
February 27, 2020