Bernie Sanders Rejects Idea of Redistributing His Campaign Funds to Less Fortunate Candidates
FOGG CORNER, NEW HAMPSHIRE. – During a town hall meeting, an attendee asked Bernie Sanders whether he
supported the idea of redistributing his campaign funds to other candidates who were less fortunate.
"The funding numbers show that the system unfairly oppresses underprivileged African-American and Hispanic candidates,"
said the attendee," Like Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, or Beto O'Rourke. Surely you don't contend that they are not as good
of candidates are you are? Surely then the reason you're successful must be privilege and the systemic white patriarchy."
Bernie bristled at the idea.
"Those funds are mine," Bernie retorted. "I worked very hard to earn them. We built a campaign infrastructure in
each state, and that's why we're getting so many donations."
"But you didn't build that," replied the attendee.
"Don't give me that," Bernie said, dismissing the assertion. "I've spent years building it."
"But you've used public roads, and public communication systems, and your local campaign headquarters were protected
by publicly-funded police services. It's time you gave something back. We're just asking you to pay your fair share."
"Each dollar I have represents an individual somewhere who liked what I was offering, and who, of their own free will,
decided it was worth the money they were giving me. They were all voluntary transactions."
"They weren't voluntary. Fear put the people under duress, so they were coerced by circumstances."
Waving a copy of ‘Das Kapital’, the attendee stated, "According to Marx, private property exists purely through the
protection of the State, and becomes obsolete when it concentrates into centralized, socialized institutions based on private
appropriation of revenue. This limits the potential of productive forces in the economy."
As the attendee began quoting verbatim ‘The Communist Manifesto’, Bernie walked away, waiving his hand.
- The Satirized Evening Post
February 8, 2020