Scientists Deny They Ever Said
National Park Glaciers Would Melt by 2020
GLACIER NATIONAL PARK, MONTANA – Despite the reports from visitors viewing both the glaciers and the signs posted at Glacier
National Park, scientists from the National Park Service deny they ever said the glaciers at the park would melt away by 2020.
"We were standing in the park, looking at the glaciers," said one tourist, "and right in front of us were park signs that said the
glaciers would all melt by 2020. But it's 2020 and the glaciers were still there."
When we contacted the National Park Service, their scientists denied this.
"We never said that," replied the scientists. "And no one ever put up signs."
"This is like the false reports that scientists in the 1970's predicted global cooling. No one claimed that. Similarly, we never
claimed the glaciers here would melt by 2020."
After traveling to Glacier National Park, we found what appeared to be scientists actually removing signs at the park.
"There is no sign here," said one scientist, trying to cover the sign with his hand. "And we never predicted these glaciers would melt."
"We meant 2040," said the other, pulling the sign down with a crow bar.
"Yes...that's right", said the first. "Unless we give more control to the government, they'll all melt by 2040."
"We've only got 12 years." added the second, "97% of scientists agree."
Although these scientists have both bachelors and doctorate degrees, it appears their predictions are based less on their Ph.Ds than on their B.S.
- The Satirized Evening Post
January 10, 2020
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