Democrats Announce their Impeachment Investigation will Continue Until they Find a Crime
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Today, in a joint press conference, Democrats in Congress announced that they will continue to investigate
President Trump until they find some sort of crime that they can impeach him for.
"We've been investigating him since he was elected," said Nancy Pelosi, "and we're not about to quit now."
"That's why I introduced House Resolution 257 to Impeach Trump without listing any crimes at all," said Representative Rashida Tlaib.
"We need to impeach him now and we'll find the reason later."
Adam Schiff added, "The evidence of his crime is in plain sight. We just need to keep digging until we see it."
Stepping up to the mic, Maxine Waters just kept yelling "IMPEACH! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!" so many times that
she forgot to breathe and passed out.
Stepping back to the mic, Nancy Pelosi explained the situation:
"We know our two-year long ‘slam-dunk’ claim about Russian Collusion fell through. As did our attempt to show obstruction. And the
claim about illegally terminating Comey. And the Trump Tower claim. And the Stormy Daniels thing. And the claims of racism. And white
nationalism. And the 14 other crimes we tried to pin on him in four different formal House Resolutions. But we're sure that eventually
we'll be able to find an impeachable offense."
"People don't understand how hard it is to manufacture a non-existent crime. They have to give us time."
"Just because all of our previous hoax accusations fell through doesn't mean we won't eventually be able to make something up that will stick."
- The Satirized Evening Post
October 10, 2019
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