Kavanaugh Should Be Impeached Because Somebody says a Former Clinton Lawyer says
He Saw Kavanaugh Assault a Third Person
Who Doesn't Remember It Happening

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – In a bombshell new book, New York Times writers Robin Pogrebin and Kate Kelly reveal that another person has now come forward to accuse Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her.

Or rather, a fellow classmate of theirs said he saw it happen.

Well, not true. Actually, they say two people say that the witness said he saw it happen.

Even though the actual witness is not willing to discuss it, and the victim says she doesn't remember it happening.

During a recent interview, the authors were challenged on how weakly this story was sourced. "You are using anonymous second-hand sources without a direct primary source, and there isn't any independent verification. Why didn't you withhold the story until you could get better verification?"

"This story is too important for that," Pogrebin responded. "We need to get this accusation out there."

"Didn't your research also discover that friends of the actual victim says she doesn't remember anything like that ever happening?" the interviewer asked. "And that the person claiming to be the eye-witness is a former lawyer for President Clinton?"

"Those details aren't important," replied Kelly. "What's important is that we feel Kavanaugh must have assaulted someone, so he should be impeached."

Pogrebin and Kelly say this is believable because they have another lead they're working on: Hillary's campaign manager says his friend's mom's hairdresser's dog-groomer had a dream that Kavanagh molested his babysitter even before he was born.

The authors feel this is accurate, because they got the information directly from someone who once sat next to the campaign manager in the subway.

- The Satirized Evening Post
September 20, 2019

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