Gender Studies Student Who Published Paper Comparing Milking Cows to Sexual Abuse
Can't Figure Out Why Her Degree
Can't Get Her Hired Anywhere

BROCKPORT, NEW YORK – After publishing a paper on what she called the "under-researched" "feminist aspects of animal agriculture," author Mackenzie May can't understand why her Genders Studies degree can't get her hired anywhere.

In this paper, the author asserts, "The same way women's health has been at stake for years, a dairy cow's reproductive system has been poked and prodded."

"After publishing a ground-breaking paper like ‘Don't Grab My Teats’, I really expected to land a six-figure salary somewhere," said Ms. May. "You know, a VP of Sales position, a bank branch manager, or as a Plant Manager at a manufacturing firm."

Other papers published by Ms. May include "The Rape Culture of Pap Smears", "The Climate Change Benefits of Lesbian Encounters", and the anti-misogynist "Dick Tator", which she considers her seminal work.

According to Ms. May, the reason she has not been offered a cushy job somewhere is sexism.

"The research I do into topics like the non-consentual fondling of cow utters has tremendous value for companies that are creating new life-saving drugs, designing new skyscrapers, or manufacturing high-tech products. The reason they won't hire me is because I'm a woman."

According to NC TOWER, a web-based delivery system providing aggregate information on students who attended public universities in North Carolina, this problem affects all Women's Studies graduates. For all North Carolina college students who graduate with a Women's Studies degree, three years after graduation their mean salary is still only $16,500.

"This is not about a lack of value. This is pure sexism, straight-up," said Ms. May. "And there's no getting around that."

Instead of working in her field, Ms. May is currently working at McDonalds.

"At $10.35 an hour, there's no way I can pay back my $150,000 in student loans. This is why college should be free. Otherwise, people like me will have to stop doing this type of vital research."

"Think about where our country would be without studying topics like queer performativity at urban dog parks."

- The Satirized Evening Post
August 16, 2019

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