After London's Bans on Guns and Knives Failed,
Politicians Plan to
Ban Fresh Fruit and Pointed Sticks
LONDON, ENGLAND – After London's consecutive bans on handguns and then knives lead to the highest murder rate in a decade, politicians in
London now propose banning fresh fruit and pointed sticks.
"We have to take weapons away from these homicidal maniacs," said a spokesperson for the mayor. "And a banana is exceedingly dangerous."
The spokesperson said they would start banning oranges, apples, grapefruit (whole and segments), pomegranates, greengages, grapes, passion
fruit, lemons, plums, mangoes in syrup, cherries (red and black), and then of course bananas.
Melons and berries would be last.
"Last but not least," said the spokesperson. "We all know the dangers of a bunch of loganberries."
When asked about pointed sticks, the spokesperson just yelled "Shut up!"
- The Satirized Evening Post
August 12, 2019
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