Pelosi Finally Realizes there's No Legal Way She can Remove Trump so she Asks His Family to Do It

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After finally realizing the Muller Report found no evidence of collusion with the Russians, there's no clear-cut evidence that he obstructed the investigation, and that the American public is growing tired of the Democrats' continual investigations that turn up nothing, Nancy Pelosi's last hope to get Trump out of the White House was to beg Trumps family to hold an intervention.

"If we ever hope to turn the US into a Socialist paradise, we desperately need to get Trump out of the White House, "said Pelosi. "And finding him guilty of collusion was our best shot."

"After two House and three Senate investigations didn't find any evidence that the Trump Administration colluded with the Russians, we put all our hopes on the Muller investigation," Pelosi lamented. "And then Mueller couldn't find any evidence either. It's just horrible."

"We tried to still pretend there WAS evidence...but we could only deny reality for so long. So we started shouting as many vague legal terms as we could...‘Obstruction’, ‘Constitutional Crisis’, ‘Cover-Up’...but none of that stuck. All it did was make the American public sick of on-going accusations without merit and investigations that found nothing. And now Trump wants to expose all the details of how we used Obama's DOJ and FBI against him. It's a nightmare."

"I'm really at my wits' end," Pelosi confessed. "People are realizing the economy is good, wages are rising, gas prices have fallen, the new tax laws are benefiting them, and minority unemployment is at historic lows. I'm begging Trumps family to hold an intervention and get Trump out of office. Otherwise how are we ever going to make progress on important issue like giving free tuition to Lesbian Dance Studies majors, creating trans-gender bathrooms, and eliminating cow farts?"

- The Satirized Evening Post
May 25, 2019

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