CNN and MSNBC Desperately Search for their Next Anti-Trump Narrative
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – After it was made public that the final Muller report found there was no collusion between the Trump
Administration and the Russians, viewership at both CNN and MSNBC dropped significantly.
Now the networks are desperately looking for a new anti-Trump narrative, hoping this will bring their viewers back. To select one,
the two networks banded together and held a contest, asking people to send in suggestions.
The "Pick the Next Why-Trump-is-Still-Guilty Narrative" contest began on April 1st, and finished a few days ago. The top ten suggestions
- Keep talking about "Bombshells" without actually delivering anything.
- Say Trump is guilty until he proves himself innocent.
- Insist that since Trump said "I'm F***ed", he must be guilty.
- Say that Trump wanted to obstruct, but his people refused to follow his orders.
- Claim that by following all the laws and regulations, and looking at all the facts, the Attorney General is unfairly biased in favor of Trump.
- Just continue to make the same claims that the Mueller Report just disproved.
- Ignore the fact that the investigation is over, and say the investigation has just started.
- State that even though our networks were completely wrong on this for two years, claim it's the other side that's spinning, lying, and wrong.
- Every time he's found innocent of something, just find something else to accuse him of.
And the winner is:
- TRUMP IS GUILTY, GODDAMMIT!!! WE DON'T NEED ANY FACTS!
The prizes are:
- The 3rd through 10th place winners receive honorary Women's Studies degrees from Wesleyan College.
- The first runner-up receives a "Trump is not MY President" crying towel.
- The top prize winner receives a "CNN Supports Free Speech" megaphone to shout down people they disagree with.
- The Satirized Evening Post
April 18, 2019
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