Attorney General Tired of Being Told
"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out"

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Yesterday Attorney General William Barr appeared before the House Appropriations Committee to discuss the Department of Justice's 2020 budget. However, the meeting kept getting derailed when committee members kept calling him "Ralphie" and saying, "You'll shoot your eye out!"

A frustrated Barr repeatedly denied he appeared in "A Christmas Story", and said he never owned an Official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle.

Democrats on the committee were undeterred, and continued their aggressive approach. They questioned the security of the Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder pin, and demanded he explain the "Scott Farkus" incident.

They then requested him to appear again tomorrow wearing the pink bunny suit.

- The Satirized Evening Post
April 10, 2019

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