The Voices in Adam Schiff's Head Tell him
there Still was Collusion

WASHINGTON, D.C – Although the final report from Special Counsel Robert Mueller states there is no evidence that the Trump Administration colluded with the Russians in any way, Adam Schiff says he still knows there was collusion because of the voices in his head.

Mr. Schiff appeared before the press, flanked by two of his aids wearing white lab coats.

"I don't believe the Mueller report," said Schiff. "There WAS collusion. There WAS collusion," he said, slowly starting to rock back and forth. "The voices SAY there was."

"Relax, Mr. Schiff," one aid said, adjusting the extra-long sleeves on Schiff's white overcoat.

"We've upped his dose of Haldol." the other aid said, "He should be fine now, as long as he doesn't watch any more mainstream media broadcasts."

As one of the aids wiped up a bit of drool, Mr. Schiff continued to rock back and, muttering that he had to trust the voices.

At that point they wheeled Mr. Schiff out of the room, stating it was time for his Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

- The Satirized Evening Post
March 25, 2019

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