House Democrats Pass Strong Resolution Condemning Everything Bad

WASHINGTON, D.C – Democrats in the US House took what started as a resolution condemning specific anti-Semitic statements from one of their members, and continually made it more and more generic until it essentially condemned everything in the history of the world that ever was, still is, or ever will be bad.

"We didn't want to leave anything out," said Democratic Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "We are definitely against badness, and have decided we want to be good."

Critics point out that such a watered-down resolution is essentially meaningless, and point to a similar situation in 2013 when some people wanted to generalize the phrase "Black Lives Matter" to "All Lives Matter". In that situation, Democrats had the exact opposite opinion, stating that generalizing that statement was racist.

"Those are two totally different situations," replied Pelosi.

When asked to explain the difference, she began talking about Trump colluding with the Russians.

- The Satirized Evening Post
March 7, 2019

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